the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize