Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
