I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
