if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
