I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
