After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
