dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
