dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
