I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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