Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
