hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Randomize
