No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"