birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
