I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
