my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
