have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
