I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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