I wanna passion pit in your ass
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
