every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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