you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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