Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
