When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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