Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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