I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
