spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
