I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
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We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
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Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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