Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
