So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
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She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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