as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank