Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying