Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.