He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
