Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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