My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
