You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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