She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
