i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
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I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
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I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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