does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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