is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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