God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
