yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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