Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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