They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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