can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
