As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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