Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
