Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
