I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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