If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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