First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
