I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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