Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
