Say something about gay babies.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
