Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
