Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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