I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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