I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
