yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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