I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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