I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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