Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize