I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
