so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
