Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
