Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
