Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
