how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
