I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
