I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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